|Yo's Irrelevant Bits - La la la laaaaaaa|
She pointed out to me all the
different rare fish specimens and plants, many of them very well hidden
or disguised. It was amazing. Weird shapes and colors, strange movements,
mysterious life. We reached some kind of canyon between two colorful coral
mountains underwater. The canyon was on a slope going upwards and very
narrow. It looked as something I could have never imagined existing in
the underwater world, it was also a bit dark and scary. As we got closer,
a current seemed to suck me in towards the canyon. Instinctively I reached
for Alex hand and she pulled me away from the current and around the corals.
Back at the diving center,
the cleaning up the gear ritual with one of the experienced divers taking
the piss out of me. It's lots of work, diving. Exhausted, a bit more theory
After that we went to a really
busy diving spot. There were quite a few boats. I had bigger fins than
yesterday (which were tiny and not powerful at all) which I wore with
booties. For some reason, I found really hard to move at all, I couldn't
control my movements and I kept rolling on myself and going in circles.
On this condition, Alex made me try to move according to a compass as
a skill test we haven't done before. What a disaster. I couldn't control
my direction and ended up in the complete wrong place with Alex thinking
I've gone crazy and getting mad at me and screaming. Then, going underwater
with the anxiety and trauma that changing worlds and changing bodies brings
up on me, once I start descending, it feels right again. I feel great.
I dive next to Alex and there's a Thai diver going just behind me at all
times making sure everything is OK so it feels very safe. Every now and
then he pulls me this way and the other and more times than I could possibly
know I kicked him with my fins or punched him while swimming.
Lunchtime on the boat. Rice with chicken and cashews, vegetables were finished. I was already exhausted and we had one more dive to go. I don't think I've ever had as many soft drinks as on that day. Prevents over-exhaustion and dehydration, so I forced myself into the bubbly bottles. I also kept drinking coffee to keep me awake.
Last dive we saw still more
exotic water beings and we played with them. We stopped to do some compass
skills -again, as always, using the no words underwater communication
system- which worked out perfectly this time that I had my fins under
control. Later on, right at the bottom of the ocean Alex gestured me to
take off my mask. I thought "no, I don't want to, I want to get out
of here!" but after a moment hesitation I did and it all became very
blurry. Then I put it back on. It was completely flooded and I had to
perform the exercise of clearing it of water while still on my face (the
most painful so far). I tried a few times without success and I was getting
really anxious. Not being able to see underwater feels a bit like being
out of air. I couldn't see what Alex was trying to tell me either. After
a couple of attempts more, I signaled to her I wanted to ascend to surface
but she insisted I try again and I did. Please let's go up, I gestured.
We ascended a few meters and stopped, me completely blind in this overwhelming
underwater world. She repositioned my mask a few cms. down and then I
was able to clear it. This mask was big for me and was sitting too high
on my face, that had been the problem. I felt so relieved when I could
see clearly again that I enjoyed the rest of the dive double and felt
free and careless.
When I couldn't hold on to the rock any longer and my anxiety was making me paranoid, I let go and Alex grabbed me. She put two more stones (1kg each) in my jacket so I wouldn't float away and started to gesture about what she wanted me to do. I couldn't get it, specially because I didn't want to be tested life of death and I was running low on air. She seemed to get angry at me and we went up. On the surface she explained I had to do an emergency controlled ascend. Go up 9m in one breath. So we went down again and I did. It was over.
Back on the boat, we ate pineapples,
drank coffee and chatted a lot. Big release of the excitement and sometimes
tension of the day. Everybody was talking about what they saw.
I was chatting to two Japanese girls. One of them left Japan five years ago to go traveling for a year. In Thailand, she did a diving course and never left. She's a diving instructor now. I had just finished reading "Memoirs of a Gheisa" so I couldn't help asking them if gheisa still exist in Japan. Gion city, near Kyoto was the most popular place. They were amused by the question, with a giggling which I couldn't understand unless I was Japanese, I suppose. They still exist, they said, you can still see some in the traditional kimono and complicated make-up, but not so much anymore and maybe more as a tourist attraction than what it used to be. I'm not sure how accurate this is for they seemed to be embarrassed, as Japanese are in this kind of situation. I'll have to go and find out for myself one day although it would help a lot if I was a Japanese rich man.
The end of the boat trip back
was fun. Everybody was happy and exhausted, uninhibited and making jokes.
And the last last bit took a nostalgic turn, for we all knew another great
experience was almost over and we were about to land in the real world
of no-water again.
Next day I slept long and beautifully,
relaxed in Raley beach and in the evening I went back to the diving center
to complete my logbook with all the names of the fishes I had seen in
the last days and also asked some diving tips. Maybe that strong link
that happens between buddy divers was also calling me to go and see Alex
again. Without getting too fluffy, I did experience something very special
diving with Alex, new language of our own, unique communication, strong
From: "yoyoy"< email@example.com
Yesterday after the beach I go to my bungalow to get changed. I go to the toilet and I find a HUGE spider on the wall. I'm petrified, I don't know what to do, it's about the size of my hand. It doesn't move. I close the door. After a while I check and it's still in the same place, oh God! what can I do? I can't kill it, how? anyway it's probably really fast and will escape. And what if it's dangerous? what if it bites me? I try not to think about it and go to have dinner and watch "Dogma" a funny movie about Christ, the devil and angels. I go back to my hut and climbing the rocks in the darkness is a bit scary. I go and look at the toilet. It's gone! I look better, no it's not! it's just moved down about 20 cm and it's just behind the toilet. Oh my God! I won't be able to sleep. What if it gets out of the toilet and into the room and crawls over me while I sleep? If the Canadian guys where there I'd ask them for help but they're out. At least there's one of these square mosquito nets above the bed so I tuck it in securely and it won't be able to get in. I convince myself that I'm completely safe there. Finally I sleep. The waves break really loud against the rocks just below, it's so close! at least the noise distracts me a bit from the spider. In the middle of the night starts raining like mad! nonstop I hear between my nightmares about huge spiders, Superstar and the prophet, I wake up sweating and go out to the balcony to smoke a cigarette and I see one of the Canadians next door sleeping peacefully outside in his hammock. The sight is comforting. We are in nature, isn't it? I should just go with the flow and make peace with the spider in my mind, we both have the right to live and I should respect her, taking into account that I might be the invader of her house! Go back to sleep and soon the crazy rain starts again. It's been on since. Now it's 18h. and it seems to have calmed down. I woke up at 10.30 and the bungalow was shaking or was I dreaming??? It was shaking! The rain was so heavy! I look out the window and it's just like a solid curtain of rain and the sky is completely white with clouds. I stay in bed till midday -I'm starving- when it seems to ease a bit I get courage to get up and go to the loo. The spider's gone!!! I check everywhere, half shaking, in every corner, between my clothes,... it's gone. But it may come back.
From: "yoyoy"< firstname.lastname@example.org
Yesterday on the beach I met
Sarah. She had a huge hangover and she was going to have a swim, she almost
drowned the day before but she was rescued by some surfers. I've only
had a swim so far and it's very wavy but seems very undangerous also.
But yesterday I saw a couple of kids drowning and some big guys went in
on their rescue so it's not as undangerous as it seems... anyway she also
told me about this illness she got in Nepal because of badly boiled water
(jaundice?) which made her fart and burp all the time and the smell was
terrible, she also felt very tired and was pissed off because she liked
snogging people sometimes but in her state she couldn't, she didn't feel
like it anyway. She's doing a similar trip to us but in 8 months and going
to similar places on her own. She's been 4 months already (also went to
India and Hong Kong) and says sometimes she doesn't know what to do and
misses work and feels like a child who needs to be entertained all the
I've been to a Tibetan Bhuddist philosophy class for a couple of days (by my own will). The teaching is conducted by a very old good humored monk together with his interpreter, the old English witch woman with twisted scary eyes but very gentle and clear voice.
The class is disposed as a meditation room with very thin cushions on the floor. As the monk and witch enter the room, everybody stands up and go down to the floor and up again 5 times while they move their bonded together hands to forehead, chest and stomach repeatedly in energetic exhausting movements. Then everyone sits down on the cushions in lotus position and start a monotonous melody chanting which lasts for quite a while.
I hadn't been warned about any of those rituals so it was quite a shock to be in the middle of it all the first time. I felt quite absurd.
The class as such starts then. From my notes:
"It's vital to have a great
power of concentration if we want to subdue the wild elephant which is
our mind and have it at our mercy. Be the masters of our mind. This needs
some practice in focusing the mind (meditation) and encounters quite a
few obstacles. One of the biggest being laziness. Practice needs effort,
effort needs strong will, strong will needs interest, interest is awakened
when we see the value of the results.
These 5 points of focus are
used when any of the 5 conduct problems interferes in our meditation.
Class finishes with a shorter chanting and bowing as the teacher leaves the class.
The necessity of the own space in all levels (my part of the shelves, of the room, of the flat...). Necessity of order? Demarcation of territory? Assurance of independence?
Beginning of a journey
I was with Lucas in a cemetery ceremony. We were dressed up. Everybody was on one side of the cemetery (with trees and shadows), we were the only ones on the other side (sunny, empty, with no tombs). I asked Lucas to join everybody else but he didn't want to go there. He had more the attitude of someone who knows something nobody else knows rather than that of fear. He explained it was something about too much society (?).
I thought he was being silly. And then something like "look", pointing at some white plaster-like busts (of American politicians or people we know/knew?) coming out from the earth as from snow while he said it.
We crossed over to the other side. We passed through the crowd (it was packed) without being noticed, as if the entire set were a TV prop and we were the only real ones. Everybody kept chatting. Squeezing like ghosts among them, Lucas said "see, did you hear that?".
We passed without stopping by the same spot. With no effort from my part and very neatly I heard "I'm here. Hold me". It was perfectly distinct from the background crowd buzzing like bees. And again. "I'm here. Hold me". Different voices in different spots where different people had been trapped. "See?" This was the start.
After that I was with someone (?) who was showing me my life in manila envelope packages of photos. First package it was me, single, with poses, looking mysterious and interesting. I was Bruce Willis mainly in face profile close-up shots against an after-sunset sea and mountains landscape. Next package was me with long curly hair, sunny smile, radiant and happy or romantic and sad or darkly dramatic, always beautiful, in all my past love relationships.
Next and last package is me with blond hair -I'm Felicity Shagwell in Austin Powers II- with another blond hair girlfriend (she has longer hair than me) both extremely happy-jumpy in the sun, free, all intense emotional dramas are behind, and now that's no photo package showed by (?) guru anymore, but we're in real life and my girlfriend and I are going to travel around the world! We are in a sunny field laughing and screaming and we say goodbye to get ready for the big trip and meet again later on.
I arrive to the green tall iron gate that leads to my mansion to find that the gate guard (he doesn't look like anything in particular but rather neutral) has added a set of bars to it which means I can't climb it anymore. I look at him in anguish and disbelief ("how could YOU do this to me?"). He looks at me with some kind of strange love burning sparkling feeling new in his eyes ("I can't tell you. I have to do this, even if you hate me for it").
Our eyes cross for just a second before I get rebounced from the green tall iron gate back to the sunny field with my girlfriend. I tell her. Big exclamations.
I go back to the green tall iron gate. A second set of bars has been added by the gate guard. The scene repeats.
A third set of bars is encountered. I get rebounced again. For the fourth time I return to the tall green iron gate to find a fourth set of bars added to it. This time the gate guard holds my presence and in a breathtaking no-break no-warning discourse he says:
"Before you leave (or come back?) let me tell you that you'll be with me for the next 30 years until the Rabbi you are seeing at the moment tells you everything about me. Then he and I will go (?) (around the world?) together and you (?) (will stay here?) (will die?).
Now, are you coming?" I say "I'll be right back"
(end of dream)